By Jeff Vrabel
From Paste Magazine
Rumor has it that early-’00s rap-rock ensemble Linkin Park chose to spell its name all funny-like for a simple reason: Someone had already grabbed LincolnPark.com, so the band went with pre-K phonetics and created the world’s first known fusion of search engine optimization and gloppy nu-metal. Regrettably, thousands more were to come.
If you’re going to get noticed online, you need to snag the teeny attention spans of potential new fans while staying accessible to old ones. Many bands address this problem with unconventional, eccentric or exceedingly dopey names like Them Crooked Vultures, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah or Taylor Swift. Yet plenty more clearly did not get the memo, because no one gets memos anymore, because they’re all online stealing music. For instance, I recently received a PR pitch from a band called One. A Google search for this band turns up, in order: 1) a group fighting AIDS and poverty, 2) the integer before two and 3) coconut water, which was delicious, but my point remains.
Here are a few other bands bafflingly difficult to Google:
Picture from The Wonder
Television (CD - LP)Tom Verlaine’s proto-punk band formed in New York City in 1973 where holy crap are you kidding me $850 for a 40” Samsung? NICE!
Picture from Zoilus
Final Fantasy (CD - LP) : Canadian violinist Owen Pallett initially named his solo project after a convoluted role-playing game with 4,500 editions, which was a good move since gamers never have their own Web sites. But in December, Pallett announced he was “voluntarily” retiring the name to pursue his longtime dream of getting his own web traffic.
Picture from The Great 80s
Cinderella (CD - LP) : One wrong click and suddenly you’re on a page full of ornate period costumes, soaring magical anthems and fabulous hairstyles. There are also some sites about the Disney movie.
Picture from Dorkshelf
Health (CD - LP) : A name that needs care, and also reform.
Picture from The Sermon's Domain
The Game (CD - LP): Are you a rapper who wants people to follow your weird abusive-father relationship with Dr. Dre? Make it so all they have to do is go to Google News, type “Game” and then click through 25,000 pages and you’re all set.
Picture from Britannica
Love (CD - LP) : Despite what those ads tell you, it’s terribly hard to find this online.
Picture From Melophobe
The xx (CD - LP) : You’re just one keystroke away from never being able to return to the public library.
Picture from Discogs
Girls (CD - LP): The only scenario in which searching for girls online is actually difficult. (See also: Barenaked Ladies.)
Picture from Discogs
!!! (CD - LP) : Turns out, Google only searches for keywords, not key punctuation marks. That’s probably why no one uses the crappy site anyway.
Picture From The Album Project
fun. (CD - LP) : Not.
Picture from Indie Rock Memories
The Band (CD - LP) : Really? The Band? Could you have come up with something less electrifying, like Some Guys In A House? Good luck trying to get famous or record an album with a folk-rock icon or have your farewell concert shot by an iconic American filmmaker with that name, jerks.
If you’re going to get noticed online, you need to snag the teeny attention spans of potential new fans while staying accessible to old ones. Many bands address this problem with unconventional, eccentric or exceedingly dopey names like Them Crooked Vultures, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah or Taylor Swift. Yet plenty more clearly did not get the memo, because no one gets memos anymore, because they’re all online stealing music. For instance, I recently received a PR pitch from a band called One. A Google search for this band turns up, in order: 1) a group fighting AIDS and poverty, 2) the integer before two and 3) coconut water, which was delicious, but my point remains.
Here are a few other bands bafflingly difficult to Google:
Picture from The WonderTelevision (CD - LP)Tom Verlaine’s proto-punk band formed in New York City in 1973 where holy crap are you kidding me $850 for a 40” Samsung? NICE!
Picture from Zoilus Picture from The Great 80s Picture from DorkshelfHealth (CD - LP) : A name that needs care, and also reform.
Picture from The Sermon's DomainThe Game (CD - LP): Are you a rapper who wants people to follow your weird abusive-father relationship with Dr. Dre? Make it so all they have to do is go to Google News, type “Game” and then click through 25,000 pages and you’re all set.
Picture from BritannicaLove (CD - LP) : Despite what those ads tell you, it’s terribly hard to find this online.
Picture From MelophobeThe xx (CD - LP) : You’re just one keystroke away from never being able to return to the public library.
Picture from DiscogsGirls (CD - LP): The only scenario in which searching for girls online is actually difficult. (See also: Barenaked Ladies.)
Picture from Discogs!!! (CD - LP) : Turns out, Google only searches for keywords, not key punctuation marks. That’s probably why no one uses the crappy site anyway.
Picture From The Album Projectfun. (CD - LP) : Not.
Picture from Indie Rock MemoriesThe Band (CD - LP) : Really? The Band? Could you have come up with something less electrifying, like Some Guys In A House? Good luck trying to get famous or record an album with a folk-rock icon or have your farewell concert shot by an iconic American filmmaker with that name, jerks.
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